The Filters we Use

The clouds had just parted and a ray of sun caught this pair right in the face as they perched, side by side. The group of photographers with their telephoto lenses, a writing friend and I all stared in silence. By the time I got my phone camera up and ready to take a shot, the ray of sun had slipped behind the clouds. You can see the thin space of cloud cover in the original shot on the left. I decided to replicate what we all saw as closely as possible using an editing filter. The photo on the right is my attempt. Filters can make the difference between a dark photo and one that looks similar to the moment we were all awe-struck with a bit of sun and these beautiful birds perched in a tree.

That got me thinking of the filters humans use all the time. As it happened, I experienced a perfect example of how we use filters on the weekend. My husband and I were out for breakfast. It was our 26th anniversary but it was a soggy, pouring rain day and ordering fast food seemed like a good idea. We were in the line-up waiting to order at the take-out window. I was as grumpy as the weather outside and thought about how I hated lineups and waiting. Another thought interrupted, "I am privileged to stay in my dry, warm car while someone else prepares my food."

It struck me then that just like the ray of sunshine enhanced the photo, that thought perked up my attitude. Then I was off and running thinking about all the different types of filters we use to see through or think with. Filters can be attitudes, perceptions, biases, misconceptions, prejudices or beliefs. They're formed usually when we're young and are influenced mainly by gender, family, culture, heritage, religion, geography, and ethnicity. More current influences include technology, weather, socio-economic status, and so much more. We usually don't even think about what our filters are because they exist without any thought on our part. That's just the way we're built.

Our filters can define us. I come from a white middle class family with Swedish and British heritage. My father was a preacher and I've always lived in Canada, North America. From my point of view, I've led a somewhat privileged life but I've worked hard. Like many Swedes I'm tall, blonde and have a body some people call Rubenesque. As a young girl, I played with other children who were apparently of every skin colour. I don't remember thinking they were different and I don't remember any differences between my friends and I except for gender and height. I was brought up that way. On the other hand, I have filters I've tried to remove in my life such as issues about roles acceptable to females. No female that I know of wanted to be an archaeologist in my Grade 3 class. It wasn't normal back then but neither was I.

What we consider normal is also a filter. June is Pride Month in the US, Canada and Australia and many other countries and National Indigenous History Month in Canada. Many people have automatic filters when it comes to these groups and any group that doesn't look or act like us. There may be family issues that have torn relationships apart because of differing political filters. These issues are polarizing and I've no wish to cause people angst. My point is we all must discover the filters we use that need changing or ditching.

It's a lot of work to ferret out the filters we want to get rid of or change. Why would we do all this work and to what end? Let's ask the real question we're all thinking--"what's in it for me?" The easy answer is we can recognize our filters and take action to heal, change or ditch filters resulting in an increased capacity to get along with others who are different than we are. Awareness of our filters helps us have more meaningful conversations which leads to greater understanding and deeper social engagements. All humans need to feel heard and understood. It can lead to developing a sense of fulfillment and, dare I say it, happiness.

Wow! All this from a bird picture? Just like the filter I applied to the photo on the right made the sunshine on these birds' wings more vivid, filters applied in a positive manner to our relationships can help them grow deeper. What if we could use the filter of kindness when dealing with a particularly difficult family member? How about the filter of patience when the kids get cranky? I applied the filter of gratitude to my grumpy attitude while waiting in the lineup for our breakfast. You know what? I did feel less stressed and definitely happier.

By the way, my husband and I chose to go out to a lovely restaurant the next day for our anniversary. The food and our time together was so much more fitting the anniversary of two people who were fortunate to find each other 26 years ago. That's another filter called gratitude seen through a ray of beautiful sunlight called love.