Integral Pause for Healing

We all know what a “pause” is. It’s a pause in your thoughts or sitting down for a coffee. It’s a time to regroup, to think or just empty your mind and savor the moment. It could also mean taking time away from your routine, like a vacation. An integral pause is quite different from the pauses above. It’s a weightier pause and one that’s vital to our processing stress after a traumatic event.

According to the National Institute of Mental Health, there are three types of stressors:

“routine stress, such as childcare, homework, or financial responsibilities

sudden, disruptive changes, such as a family bereavement or finding out about a job loss

traumatic stress, which can occur due to extreme trauma as a result of a severe accident, an assault, an environmental disaster, or war”

National Institute of Mental Health (NIMH) https://www.medicalnewstoday.com/articles/145855#types

We all experience varying degrees of stress through watching, listening or being involved in the aftermath of horrific events unfolding in the world today. Closer to home, raging wildfires are producing masses of smoke-filled skies, and destroying homes, wildlife and forest habitat. With catastrophic loss comes change. We need to allow time for our mind, body and soul to integrate and process that change.

With change and loss, the parts of our lives we used to live daily are suddenly uprooted and we are thrust into a new reality. The sum of all the moving parts of the ‘new reality’ is now our life begun by the change and usually involves traversing through a process that is painful. Think of the time one takes to grieve the loss of a loved one, the loss of a job and lately, the loss of homes and forest. We mourn how things used to be and miss those cherished items we lost. We might feel lethargic or depressed. Our brain doesn't function as well as it did. Our emotions seem raw and sometimes erupt spontaneously.

An integral pause for healing is one of several stages in processing any kind of stress including traumatic stress. I believe a lot of people don’t think about this stage or just ignore it completely. As a precaution, may I remind my readers that I am not a professional experienced in counseling others through trauma. What I am, though, is a person who went through events that were traumatic to me and, unfortunately, repeatedly left out the integral pause stage. I also have the benefit of being able to look back at what happened as a result of not processing that trauma.

It might be helpful to define the word ‘integral’ here:

‘Integral’ is an adjective that means vital, important to the point that its very identity is tied to whatever it's describing, in this case, a pause. Integral is “necessary to the completeness of the whole”. An integral pause, as I define it then, is a pause vital to completing the cycle of challenges, changes and stressors caused by trauma that signals our way back to wholeness.

Another aspect of dealing with trauma that needs to be addressed here is our human tendency to separate mind, body and spirit. For example, we ignore our bodies when we process trauma or don’t think about engaging our spirit when we’re in emotional pain. I’ve learned the hard way that everything in us is connected. Let me say that again for emphasis, everything that is us, that makes us human is connected and whatever affects a part of us affects the rest of us. Does it not stand to reason that we must address all the parts of us in our recovery?

In my own life, I was surprised at my body's response especially after making particularly poor life choices that resulted in trauma. I found out that while I could always try to override my brain, mind and emotions into thinking and feeling the way I wanted them to, my body was always the true litmus test. As I said previously, I’m not a medical professional but I do know that after a major stressor, change and/or event occurred, my body paid the price in the form of increasingly severe illness.

Here are the stages of trauma from my own experience:

1. A change happened.

2. Experienced feelings of uncertainty, stress and confusion, or the deep pain of loss.

3. I wanted to find solutions immediately partly in response to emotional pain. It’s normal to become wrapped up in coping with the change.

4. I stuffed my emotions deeply in my heart and body because the pain of feeling and expressing my emotions was too great for me to handle. I also felt completely overwhelmed and couldn’t see a way out or through the change.

5. I coped by shoving my feelings down every time they surfaced.

6. A cooling off period generally occurred. The original change event was over, but the trauma remained. In an attempt to cope, I denied my pain or feelings about the change. I was still too raw to let those emotions out or still too weary and overwhelmed to deal with the issues at hand.

At this stage it’s common to start blaming everyone and everything. It is important to find out what happened, but blaming is just another response to unresolved pain and is not helpful for you or those around you. Once you’ve dealt with your own pain, it will be easier to look at what happened objectively and turn it into something that might, with time, turn into something positive. We also don’t pause to process that pain or seek help from others believing we’ve handled or managed our grief, our loss, our pain, so we carry on with our life. Parts of us may be able to do that, but our bodies bear the emotions we’re too afraid to let out or feel.

The Integral Pause is the time to deal with everything we’ve been through. This is the trigger that starts the healing process and usually occurs halfway between the trauma, crisis or change and resolution and healing. I can’t emphasize this enough. Don’t skip this step even though it seems counterintuitive. We naturally want to get over what we’re getting over but there are parts of us that need this pause. The sum of all the strong, stuffed down feelings IS what we’re dealing with and they need to be addressed before they’re expressed in the body as illness.

The integral pause takes place when we’re able to just sit with our emotions. The steps may sound simple, but don’t underestimate or force this stage. You’ll know when you’re ready. If you need help with this, reach out to a trained professional.

Here are the steps:

• Acknowledge your emotions.

• Thank them for showing up and let them know it's OK to still be in pain.

• Listen to all the parts of you.

• Check in with your body. Anything not quite right?

• Talk with your inner genius, or your soul or spirit. Ask what needs healing, then listen.

• Have a compassionate conversation with yourself about what you’ve been through and how you’ve survived. Write it down. The act of writing is therapeutic.

• Allow whatever emotions you have to show up without judgment.

• Be kind to yourself.

The integral pause for healing will help you feel better but it may take awhile. Be prepared to revisit the steps above as often as you need. In the meantime, when you’re ready, here are some suggestions you might consider. The key is to listen to what feels therapeutic to you and give yourself the care you want and need. Find what helps you release those buried emotions in positive ways:

• Ask your inner genius for help. You may be prompted to reach out to a trusted person who helps you to release some of the pain. You may want to write about how you feel in your journal and are able to release bottled emotions a little at a time.

• Be aware of opportunities and listen for instruction, answers, and clues that your inner genius/soul/spirit may show you.

• Take the time to express your feelings, have a good cry, stomp on a beach, scream into the wind.

• Get involved with a regular fitness activity to help your body cope, volunteer to help other people less fortunate.

• Dig in the dirt, start a garden, grow flowers.

• Seek help from your medical professional and/or professional counselor. Sometimes that’s the very choice that will help you finally deal with your pain or help you cope with severe anxiety or overwhelm. Above all, don’t go through this alone!

The integration process involves your mind, emotions, soul and body working together to deal with difficult circumstances and changes. The Integral Pause is the trigger and the bridge between the pain and emotions that occurred with the initial traumatic event and the way forward to healing. Allow yourself more time to process if you need it. One person may need a smaller amount of time to heal, others may need a lot more time. Above all, I urge you to be compassionate with yourself and your loved ones as they navigate their own response.

This post is dedicated to all those going through any kind of stress as a result of trauma right now. It’s my hope that anyone reading knows someone who might benefit from reading this post and will share it with them. We all need to go through this process when trauma occurs but it certainly is the balm of kindness applied to ourselves and offered to others that lifts us up and gives us hope for better solutions, better circumstances and better times to come.