![looking through a kaleidoscope](https://static.wixstatic.com/media/f5f1d7_c38e667039214349b058318f83863f5e~mv2.png/v1/fill/w_980,h_980,al_c,q_90,usm_0.66_1.00_0.01,enc_auto/f5f1d7_c38e667039214349b058318f83863f5e~mv2.png)
In the deep recesses of your soul, something is calling you. Everyone has a soul and a unique message, service, or offering inside waiting to be expressed. Either you're living your passion and mission, or you haven't taken the time to explore that calling. I didn't hear anything for a long time, but I was aware of a yearning feeling when I allowed myself to stop doing everything for a minute.
For me, the biggest clue was frustration with careers I enjoyed doing but they didn't register deep in my heart as something I longed to do for the rest of my life. Being a mom was part of my calling and the most interesting, challenging, wonderful, amazing, and humbling experience. This was one of my life's privileges, yet I felt something else was wanting to be born through me, something I needed to discover.
I lived a busy life as a stay-at-home mom. When my children were little I taught private flute lessons and ran a home daycare. Those were very satisfying roles. As they got older, I worked outside the home. My life became a whirlwind of activity and I ignored anything to do with my calling. I did what was expected and existed to serve my family and others without any thought there might be something just for me. Truthfully, I thought it was selfish to focus on myself.
What if, besides motherhood and work, I'd paid attention to a calling waiting to be born into the world through me? What if I could've offered something to others that would have made a difference? That doesn't sound self-centered to me today. To be able to think differently was my responsibility, but back then I had no expectations of anything else for my life beyond survival.
How does one move from 'no expectations' to responding to a 'calling'? The two main ways, in my opinion, are through trauma and positive exposure. The book I've just finished writing explores that process. Once I moved beyond the grief of what happened, the trauma became the kaleidoscope of possibilities that motivated me to move forward. The word, kaleidoscope was invented by David Brewster from Ancient Greek words meaning, in essence, to see beautiful forms. Nirmala Sankaran (LinkedIn Article, Kaleidoscopes as a metaphor for life) writes:
Each time you look through [at] a kaleidoscope, new beautiful arrangements appear magically. This figuratively suggests that one should approach the most difficult situations in life by changing one’s attitude to the circumstances because life is truly amazing. It also means there is so much to look forward to, regardless of the worst lows you might encounter. Things fall apart sometimes, but they can always be put back together even if in a different pattern, much like the stunning art in a kaleidoscope.
Trauma affects people differently and I'm in no way disparaging those who are unable to see their trauma as positive anything. Like trauma, everyone's life is unique. If it's possible to catch a glimpse of the beauty of your life and its journey, look through the kaleidoscope of possibilities. If you need help, reach out.
I reached out to the memories of strong women in my family. I was raised with remarkable women who embodied a 'can do' attitude. Whatever life threw at them, they rallied with strength and courage. My mom was our sole financial supporter when my father just about died. Her mother had seven children and then went on to University. My father's father died when my father was in his early twenties leaving his mother to run the farm. Did their sheep and fruit farm fall apart? Not a bit.
That spirit encouraged and inspired me to survive and rise when trauma threatened me and my children. A favourite teacher fed my love of researching and diving into the subjects of my curiosity. A series of books discussed letting my passion guide me into a more meaningful, authentic expression of who I was. Of course, that meant I needed to know who I was to express myself authentically and that was a whole other rabbit hole of discovery for this adventurer.
Both positive exposure and trauma happen to humans. It's called life, but how does one hear a calling, and who's doing the talking? That question took me on a new learning quest and tested my patience and sanity. At times, dark clouds of confusion and extreme frustration would swirl around my head until I figured out what it was. Sometimes a word would pop into my head that gave me a clue. Where did it come from? It could have come from my soul, a higher self, or a guide. I wasn't sure which one at first, but as I allowed the dark clouds to gather and moved with them through the discontent and angst, I'd come out the other side in a kind of nothing space. I called that space an integral pause. (See Integral Pause for Healing post.) In that space of nothing, the pause revealed the clue I needed. Looking at my past provided more clues, although understanding those clues sometimes took longer.
In time, I heard the words of my calling in that space of nothingness. It was a profound experience of memories and flashbacks all revealing the essence that was me. In an instant, the kaleidoscope of possibilities from my past lay before me. The words forming in my head had always been me and that moment of discovery filled my heart with deep joy. Finding your calling, your way of creating something meaningful, is the most important step you can take to thrive and love your life. It unlocks the kaleidoscope of beautiful possibilities that is you.
Author's Note: Today, I am a full-time writer. My book has been written and will go to the editor this summer. It should be published early in 2025. I'm also working on a couple of writing projects.
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